Interpersonal conflicts between people are a fact of life and it is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, a relationship with frequent conflicts may be healthier than one with no observable conflicts. When a conflict occurs, the bond may be weakened or strengthened. Thus, a conflict is a critical event in the course of a relationship or a friendship. Conflicts can cause resentment, hostility and perhaps the ending of the relationship. If it is handled well, conflicts can be productive – leading to deeper understanding, mutual respect and closeness. Whether a relationship lasts or not depends not so much on the number of conflicts between participants, but on how the conflicts are resolved. I have done various group projects with people from all walks of life and characters. All the group members might not look at the same angle when deciding the theme for the project.
There was an incident when I had to do a project with a good friend of mine. Since he was a good friend of mine, I really thought the project would be smooth sailing without any problems but I was wrong. We couldn’t see eye to eye on many issues which led to many differences between us. We approached the project the way we are as friends and not as group members doing a project together. We discussed the project like the way we spoke to each other. This led to many disagreements between us. So how did I resolve this conflict between us?
The problem occurred when we failed to use cooperative approaches consistently in our discussions with each other. To prevent it from happening again, it was important to identify the ways in which I contributed to the disagreement. One way which I thought of doing this was to identify a specific, recent conflicted situation, recall what I said, and then think specifically about how I could have used more effective language. Then I realized I could have used different words to express my ideas instead of stressing on it. I then explained to my friend about the way we interact with each other. He too then realized it and it was smooth sailing from then onwards.
5 comments:
Hi, I have worked with my closer friends before and I realized that sometimes working with your good friends might be more difficult then with an acquaintance. Sometimes, it is because good friends knew each other very well and will speak out more bluntly to each other. This might inadvertently anger or hurt the feelings of the other. Thus communicating well and being tactful is important so that both of you will still be friends after the project. Otherwise ill feelings that arise can break a friendship. In this case, I think you and your friend handled the situation well and so both of you can finish the project smoothly.
Hello Mushtaq....
YES! Working with a close friend will more often than not bring more trouble than good. I'm sure that you've also heard about spouses working together (maybe doing a business together), and a huge conflict occurs, causing a divorce. This is not a desirable situation. and... of course nobody wants such a conflict to occur.
I find that the reason to this is perhaps because of mutual understanding. We also tend to put down our guard with our close friends and take for granted.
I feel that to prevent such a situation from occurring, some rules should first be laid. We should have a mutual agreement with each other as to the roles to play etc... Hence, the most important part would be to have good communication with each other, and clearing any misunderstanding as soon as possible. Fate has brought you guys together to become good friends, and we should always cherish such relationships, as good friends as hard to come by... Being tactful, and incorporating all aspects of EQ is therefore important! :D
You and your friend handled the situation well! :D
The problem here is that we always think we know each other too well so that they could have thought of a thing in the same way as us. The communication between closed friends and spouses perhaps always been ignored. We all think we know each other so much so that we will produce the same result. However, each person is independent of the others, especially when he/she need to make a decision on sth important. That is why we always see a interpersonal conflicts between closed friends and couples. To avoid such a thing from happening, we do not assume your partner know what you think. Communication is very important especially when it comes to business or project work. When we really fully understand each other's thoughts, the chemistry between friends or couples could make the thing work more efficiently.
Hi Mushtaq,I feel the same way as the others that sometimes, it might be better to work on a project with a course mate rather than a good friend. When we work with a course mate, the likely conflict to arise would be “content conflict”. This form of conflict revolves around objects, events, and people that are usually external to people involved in the conflict.
When working on a project with a good friend, relationship conflicts often occur but they are hidden and disguised as content conflicts. I had a similar experience with a good friend in the past semester. During the course of the project, she actually missed quite a number of meetings without valid reasons. I felt quite troubled over her absence and I did not know how to approach her to tell her about this issue.
In the end, I chose to take some time to cool off as my first strategy. Next, I avoided too much interaction with her in hope that she will not make use of the friendship to explain for her absence in meetings. Needless to say, as the avoidance increases, relationship satisfaction decreases. I would say your attempt to resolve the conflict was good as you managed to sort things out, which is much better than avoidance.
Hi Mushtaq, I guess it's human nature to want to work with people we are familiar with instead of complete strangers even though working with friends brings its set of problems as you have discussed.
I agree that sometimes phrasing your ideas in another manner will make it more receptive to your friend's as different persons process information differently. I experience the same situation as you. Just rephrasing my statements or using another analogy helped audience understand my viewpoint better.
When mutual consensus cannot be reached after trying some of the communication methods that we learned, I guess we have to get the opinion of a trusted third party in some cases.
But I'm sure that you got to know your friend better after the project.
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